The Sun Will Come Out . . .

 

Hey look – I managed to figure out how to log on to my blog again!  It’s crazy how that works.  If I don’t do something often, I forget.  It freaks me out sometimes to think that something so simple can be pushed to such deep recesses in my mind that I struggle to access it.  Not that it’s such a huge deal.  It’s just that it happens more than I’d really care to admit in areas that are a bit more critical than blog access.  It makes me wonder if this is how I am at 40-something, what’s going to happen in 10 or more years?!?!  I have notebooks with user names and passwords and information to remember . . . sometimes I have a very vivid memory of "I didn’t write that down because I KNEW there’s no way I’d forget it . . . .now what was it!?!  Anyway . . . that’s not what this post is about.

This is a big step – this posting of a new blog entry.  Life got a little nuts – you might recognize the decline in the last several posts over a month (or more) ago.  The desire to stay with it – to keep producing.  To have the outlet.  But I couldn’t maintain it.  I was kidding myself.  Kind of like "if my life on the blog looks okay, then my life must really be okay."   I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air.  So I dropped them.  Just about all of them.  Very recently when I logged back onto my Facebook account, an epiphany struck.  I was trying to think about a status update.  I wanted it to say something about seeing the light – being able to take on life with a bit more courage and energy.  I had the analogy of a cave in my mind.  A hiding place (by the way, I hate caves – claustrophobia and I are pretty tight).  And when I started entering the status, it came out as "I’m almost done caving."   I’ve been working hard on not caving.  Caving as in "giving up" or "giving in."   But as I contemplated that status, I realized that I had been giving in – to a large extent.  And the strength that I am fighting for, that I am seeking after, is actually the strength I need to just BE.   No giving in.  No escaping.  No caving. 

Thank you to those who have continued dropping by to check on me.  Forgive me for not responding.  I didn’t have anything to say.  I still don’t have a lot to say.  What needs to work through my system will continue its journey.  I will share where I’m able and deal with the rest.  And I’ll lose the cave analogy.  Spring time will probably help. 

See you on the blog . . . and I’ll be visiting some too – as I am able. 

Now I have to check my anti-caving sentiment.   Can I click "publish"?

 

 

7 Responses to “The Sun Will Come Out . . .”

  1. Louise Says:

    I was so glad to see you posted.

    You need to come where the sun shines almost every day.

    We need to chat or something.

    Have missed you everywhere.

  2. Louise Says:

    p.s. Your honesty in this post is brave. I love the “if my life on the blog looks okay, then my life must really be okay.” I think we all feel like that sometimes. Don’t feel alone.

  3. Becky Says:

    You are NOT alone!
    I have my days or weeks. It comes and goes.
    But one thing I’ve learned, my most faithful readers, friends, are always there.
    Hold your head high, put a smile on your face and wait. It will come to you!

  4. Yvonne Says:

    Welcome back. I have missed you and glad to know that you are still around. I’ll keep checking – take your time, we’ll be here.

  5. don Says:

    I havent managed much since the week before Christmas I blog and it all looks fine but I am like a duck feet going fast while on top of the water all looks fine. We have a good Vicar in fact he has just left having been here for a coupleof hours. I am sure you will get over this blip and when the sunshines SMILE and think of this duck in England who is praying like mad for you XXX Don ps qwack qwack

  6. bowledover Says:

    Hi RFC you have been missed. Glad you are up and about again.
    I am sending you lots of {{{{hugs}}}} and warm sunshine in this contact. When they reach you just relax and smile.
    Look to the skies, going round the sun in clock wise motion is a comet. It brings much needed joy and help to everyone. May it be your turn right now.

  7. Dewdrop Says:

    Deirdre, I’m glad you’re almost done caving. I’ve missed you and been awfully worried, but on that same hand, I understand. I know. I’ve been caving before (even with the tight relationship we happen to have as well, claustrophobia and I), and I let the whole world vanish from my life… coming back from that can be overwhelming. Just one step at a time, dear friend. One foot, then the next. Don’t pile too much on. Just breathe and take it all in slowly. You will get there. That strength is inside of you… deep in there, just begging for you to grab ahold. Trust it… it’ll hold.

    I’m here… to listen, to chat, to vent to… to cry to. Whatever, I am here. You are NOT alone.

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