ReluctantFarmChick.com

Or maybe I should say "finally skywatch."  I’m reluctant to post (more reluctant about that than being a farm chik at this point), but am being sucked in by the amazing shots I’m seeing as I scroll through the skywatch list (1st time in many moons, it seems).  Your photos inspire me.  So I’ll share too.  No pond today -it’s still out there, just not recently photographed, I don’t think.  Let’s see what’s on my my desk top.

Oh yes – this was when we were clearing behind (actually in front of) our house.  We also needed wood for our outdoor furnace (that heats our home and water during the winter).  My son and I started this fire with all the scraps – the stuff that isn’t worth hauling over to the furnace.  Great fun.  We’ve had several big fires lately.  Luckily all of them controlled and contained.

Let’s see if there’s a sky picture somewhere.

Yes – this is on the way back from the in-law’s.  The horse mail box is just out of sight to your right.  I took this shot because of the amazing moon hanging out above the cloud, but my iphone camera doesn’t have a zoom (or any other feature other than "click") so the clouds are more impressive than the moon.  And the partial wooden fence adds character too.

You can see more amazing sky pictures from all over by clicking here.

Hey look – I managed to figure out how to log on to my blog again!  It’s crazy how that works.  If I don’t do something often, I forget.  It freaks me out sometimes to think that something so simple can be pushed to such deep recesses in my mind that I struggle to access it.  Not that it’s such a huge deal.  It’s just that it happens more than I’d really care to admit in areas that are a bit more critical than blog access.  It makes me wonder if this is how I am at 40-something, what’s going to happen in 10 or more years?!?!  I have notebooks with user names and passwords and information to remember . . . sometimes I have a very vivid memory of "I didn’t write that down because I KNEW there’s no way I’d forget it . . . .now what was it!?!  Anyway . . . that’s not what this post is about.

This is a big step – this posting of a new blog entry.  Life got a little nuts – you might recognize the decline in the last several posts over a month (or more) ago.  The desire to stay with it – to keep producing.  To have the outlet.  But I couldn’t maintain it.  I was kidding myself.  Kind of like "if my life on the blog looks okay, then my life must really be okay."   I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air.  So I dropped them.  Just about all of them.  Very recently when I logged back onto my Facebook account, an epiphany struck.  I was trying to think about a status update.  I wanted it to say something about seeing the light – being able to take on life with a bit more courage and energy.  I had the analogy of a cave in my mind.  A hiding place (by the way, I hate caves – claustrophobia and I are pretty tight).  And when I started entering the status, it came out as "I’m almost done caving."   I’ve been working hard on not caving.  Caving as in "giving up" or "giving in."   But as I contemplated that status, I realized that I had been giving in – to a large extent.  And the strength that I am fighting for, that I am seeking after, is actually the strength I need to just BE.   No giving in.  No escaping.  No caving. 

Thank you to those who have continued dropping by to check on me.  Forgive me for not responding.  I didn’t have anything to say.  I still don’t have a lot to say.  What needs to work through my system will continue its journey.  I will share where I’m able and deal with the rest.  And I’ll lose the cave analogy.  Spring time will probably help. 

See you on the blog . . . and I’ll be visiting some too – as I am able. 

Now I have to check my anti-caving sentiment.   Can I click "publish"?